 We have explored Secure Attachment, Anxious Attachment & today we will start our attachment theory studies by exploring:
Avoidant attachment Let's start here... Dr. Marlene Moretti created the concept of an attachment coin 🟡which offers us a visual reminder that our attachment is made up of two primary needs: Connection & Independence While anxious attachment leads people to seek out closeness and connection, avoidant attachment centers on the other side of the attachment coin, distance and independence…. because any emotional or physical closeness or connection is too distressing 😢 What the experience of Avoidant Attachment can be like, across the lifespan: 🔹Distant/Unavailable: I am going to keep you at an arm’s length away. 🔹Fearful: If we become emotionally & physically connected, you will abandon me. 🔹Aloof: I am going to act like I don’t even care. There has been lots of research done about what’s happening with heart rate ♥️ While people with an anxious attachment style physically appear more anxious, people with an avoidant attachment pattern were found to be much more anxious, internally. Remember: Attachment is not about love, it is about security'. ~ Roger Solomon Reflective prompts, for you: ✨How do you feel? ✨What do you need? ✨How can you support yourself in meeting your needs? ✨How can others support you in meeting your needs? Soothing Strategy: Be gentle with yourself. Consider who you can reach out to, including a counsellor. Would love to hear your reflections, below! Attachment theory is used by our counselling team and guides the Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School. We take a deep dive into exploring how our experiences in relationships impact the ways we show up in the world. ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay  We have explored Secure Attachment & today we will start our attachment theory studies by exploring:
Anxious attachment Anxious attachment is experienced as the fear of losing the relationship can lead to a heightened need for closeness and distress that any independence will lead to loss. What Anxious Attachment can look like, across the lifespan: 🔹Fearful: ‘I am so deathly scared that I will lose you, that I am going to keep you close’. 🔹'I am going to try and keep you close in ANY way I can think of'. 🔹Any independence feels like am going to be alone and abandoned. 🔹Any independence is too scary. 'Attachment is not about love, it is about security'. ~ Roger Solomon Reflective prompts, for you: ✨How do you feel? ✨What do you need? ✨How can you support yourself in meeting your needs? ✨How can others support you in meeting your needs? ✨Consider who you can reach out to, including a counsellor. Would love to hear your reflections, below! Attachment theory is used by our counselling team and guides the Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School. We take a deep dive into exploring how our experiences in relationships impact the ways we show up in the world. ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay  Attachment theory is one of the theories that guides the Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School. We take a deep dive into exploring how our experiences in relationships impact the ways we show up in the world.
One of my attachment teachers along the way, Roger Solomon, has said: 💗 Attachment is not about love, it is about security. #micdrop Mary Ainsworth’s research identified that there are four attachment styles, which we are going to explore, together. Starting with Secure Attachment 💗 Secure attachment: When we are in a relationship where we feel safe and secure, we are then able to go off into the world and be independent and do the things that we want to do on our own. Because we know that when the bumps and bruises happen… (because they will…) (because life is hard….) … that we can come back, and that person is going to be there. To collect us. To hold us. Secure attachment is comfort in experiencing both closeness and independence, in the relationship. Consistency in the relationship nurtures our sense of safety and security, in relationships. Reflective prompts, for you: ✨What does security, in relationships, mean to you? ✨What does safety, in relationships, mean to you? ✨What does safety or security feel like, in your body? ✨Perhaps there are times when you have felt safe & secure in a relationship... This might be a therapist, a friend, or someone else... we need only one person to support us in deepening our sense of safety and security. ✨Lean-into those who collect and hold you, when life feels hard. Would love to hear your reflections! These teachings are an integral part of our Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School teacher trainings and our Counselling Team's approach! ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay  Together we are going to dive into attachment theory by being curious about how our connections with others and our experiences in those relationships can impact us, throughout our lives. Attachment theory is NOT focused solely on looking at the relationship between a baby and their caregiver.... attachment is lifelong & our attachment patterns (like all patterns) can shift along the way, based on our experiences, in relationships. These teachings are an integral part of our Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School teacher trainings and our Counselling Team's approach! Our the next couple of months, we will explore: 1. Secure Attachment 2. Anxious Attachment 3. Avoidant Attachment 4. Disorganized Attachment 5. Secure Base 6. Safe Haven 7. Attachment-Based Lens I will prompt reflections on our relationships, past-present-future 💫 A reflective prompt, for you today: What are you most curious about, when it comes to attachment theory? Please share with me, below! ♥️Dr. Melissa Jay   Did you know that BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, People of Colour?
If so, cool 👌🏽 If not, it's true! Did you know that Canmore Counselling & the Trauma-Informed Yoga Psychology School is BIPOC-Owned and led? If so, cool 👌🏽 If not, it's true! Michael & I are both proudly part of the global BIPOC community and honoured to share our gifts! Something has shifted during the pandemic... FINALLY people are amplifying BIPOC businesses, practitioners, professionals & leaders. My heart is trusting that this shift can lead to nurturing and reciprocal relationships This requires a commitment to being the change... most often, BIPOC folks are tokenized or included once, to appear inclusive. Yikes. Nurturing & reciprocal relations takes time. It means dedicating time & space for BIPOC folks to have a say, to be heard, have their wisdom valued & invited back, again and again and again. Reciprocal & ongoing relations are the only way forward. We know that being business owners, practitioners & educators is a huge privilege that we take very seriously. We do a ton of advocacy & consultation, behind-the-scenes, and continue to dedicate ourselves to creating anti-oppressive spaces... Whenever possible, amplifying and empowering those who go unheard due to systemic oppression, racism & marginalization. We are so glad you’re here You are welcome here and we empower you to seek out, learn from & amplify other BIPOC-led businesses & organizations too! Please remember to give shout outs, tags & referrals any time you are inspired or have learned from what is being created & shared by BIPOC folks I have so much more to say... for now, I invite you to share with me anything that might have sparked curiosity or landed for you! With big love, Dr. Melissa Jay Some additional self-reflective prompts: From me: What does decolonization mean to you? From Michael: What does Black History Month mean to you?  We have explored the first 7 limbs of yoga... 1. Yamas (outer ethical codes) 2. Niyamas (the the inner, personal ethical practices) 3. Asana (postures) 4. Pranayama (breath control) 5. Pratyahara (withdraw of senses) & 6. Dharana (Mindfulness) 7. Dhyana (Meditation) & today we explore the 8th limb...
♥️Samadhi ♥️ (Bliss, Unity, Enlightenment) It is hard to describe samadhi because it is an experience! Experiencing the witnesser and the witnessed, as one. Let’s break it down: It is human nature to be caught up in our day-to-day tasks, relationships & responsibilities (hello, email, texts, social!) As we practice being a witness to ourselves, we begin to notice the interconnectedness we experience with others, with nature, with Universal energy. When we merge with the interconnectedness, we release the illusion of separateness and experience unity... Reconnecting us to our innate capacity for love, compassion & kindness. We experience bliss. We are bliss. Patanjali taught that through the practices of Dharana & Dhyana, Samadhi could be considered the culmination of meditation. Practice is all you need Practice is all that is required “Yoga is the journey of the Self, to the Self, through the Self.” ~ The Bhagavad Gita A practice prompt: What practices might support you in experiencing Samadhi? Please share your reflections, if you are called to! ♥️Dr. Melissa Jay  We have explored the first 6th limbs... 1. Yamas (outer ethical codes) 2. Niyamas (the the inner, personal ethical practices) 3. Asana (postures) 4. Pranayama (breath control) 5. Pratyahara (withdraw of senses) 6. Dharana (Mindfulness) & today, the 7th limb...
♥️Dhyana♥️ (Meditation) Nischala Joy Devi described dhyana as ‘the continuous inward flow of consciousness’. What I love about this description is that it points to the continuous flow. When I was learning about yoga and meditation I remember saying 'I could never meditate because my mind is too busy'. Ummmmm... That is exactly why mediation is helpful! Everyone's mind is naturally busy. By practicing meditation, we befriend ourselves by being a witness to our ever changing thoughts, feelings, sensations and, instead, just notice. And then sometime the noticing fades away and there are moments of just being. Just being. Being in the gap. The gap between thoughts. The gap that often feels elusive and yet is available through practice.... Practice being the keyword as with each of the eight limbs of yoga. Practice invites us to show up each day with no memory of the past, no goal for the future, just a commitment to being here, just as we are, in the present moment. Meditation does not require you to sit on the floor cross legged with your eyes closed. That is only one way you might choose to practice. Join me in a practice of a 9-minute mediation: click here Also, Julie & Anne, have beautiful practices available on Simple Habit, a Free App! So grateful to have Julie & Anne as part of our facutly Reflective prompt: How can you support yourself in expanding your practice of dhyana? ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay  We have explored the first 5 limbs of yoga... 1. Yamas (outer ethical codes) 2. Niyamas (the the inner, personal ethical practices) 3. Asana (postures) 4. Pranayama (breath control) 5. Pratyahara (withdraw of senses) & today we move to the 6th limb...
♥️Dhāraṇā♥️ (Mindfulness / Concentration) Dhāraṇā is the practice of gathering our attention & focusing inward... bringing our attention into the present. While Pratyahara supports in the conscious withdrawal of energy from the senses, Dhāraṇā builds on the practice & supports us in shifting away from the ego. Ego? Yes, ego... the part of us that disconnects us from our purpose, our essence, our Self. When our ego is in the driver's seat, it can lead to reactivity or a heightened sense of self-importance. Telling us: we have to be available all of the time, respond to a text/call/email immediately or perhaps when we have too much on our to-do list. Does this resonate?! Dhāraṇā Reflections: ✨Mindfulness invites us to practice focusing on the present moment. ✨Eckhart Tolle's teachings are dedicated to the practice of Dhāraṇā: "When you make friends with the present moment, you feel at home no matter where you are. When you don't feel at home in the Now, no matter where you go, you will carry unease with you". ~ Eckhart Tolle 3 of my fav Dhāraṇā practices: 1. Mantra Meditation Thanks, @deepakchopra Mantra: Sohum So (Sanskrit for 'I') Hum (Sanskrit for 'AM') Inhale... So Exhale... Hum 2. Checking-In, in this moment: How am I being, in this doing? 3. Removing ALL notifications from your devices. This is a new practice I have been enjoying since logging off on December 24th. It invites me to practice dhāraṇā by being mindful as I log onto my phone or computer. As I mindfully open my email & mindfully engage with social media. Reflective prompt: How do you practice Dhāraṇā? Would love to hear your great practices! ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay  We have explored the first four limbs of yoga... 1. Yamas (outer ethical codes) 2. Niyamas (the the inner, personal ethical practices) 3. Asana (postures) 4. Pranayama (breath control) & today we move to the 5th limb...
♥️Pratyahara♥️ (Focus & Withdrawal of Senses) Freeing the mind from the nervous system by shifting from our outer senses (seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, & smelling) to our inner landscape of being. Confusing? Yep... This limb is far less tangible than other yoga practices like pranayama & asana. Let's make it tangible! Savasana (final resting pose)! Often savasana is the most challenging posture as it invites us to lay flat, still & to just be. When we give into this posture, our muscles relax, breath slows... supporting connection to deeper layers of ourselves. Yoga Nidra can support this deeply restorative experience too! We are conditioned to do-do-do and think-think-think. Pratyahara is an essential yoga practice. If you are following the @thenapministry you know they are preaching the good stuff... rest as radical resistance! Let's rest. My intention is to unplug as often as possible and honour when it feels right to log-on. Social media can spark joy and keep us connected! That said, it also can lead to stimulation & information overload. I probably have a library worth of saved posts I want to return to, reflect on, with concepts & ideas I want to research... and for now, I will turn inward. May we sit in candle light, watch the snow, be still & practice being. How will you practice pratyahara? ♥️ Dr. Melissa Jay |
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June 2022
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Dr. Melissa Jay is an Indigenous, Nehiyaw-Métis, person, a member of the Métis Nation of Alberta, and the Indigenous Director of the Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association. We at Canmore Counselling respectfully acknowledges the traditional lands of the Indigenous Peoples (Inuit, First Nations, Métis) of Canada. We are privileged to live on sacred lands and celebrate all of the Indigenous peoples, who live, work, play, and care for these lands. As an act of reconciliation and decolonization, may we work together to answer the TRC's Calls to Action: Truth & Reconciliation Commission Reports and Findings.
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